"Did you know?"

“Did you know that I ranked number 33 in all of Canada in Table Tennis?” The 73 old man that asked the question stood at the other end of the ping pong table – having just clipped a neat shot across the table and knocking another point from me. Meet Len he is really good.

Every day Len plays regular tennis and usually whips his friend who is about the same age. Len usually catches the tennis matches as much as he can on his TV. Recently he has followed the matches out of France on his favourite channel.

To be asked to play table tennis with him was an honour to say the least. I love the game but am not good at it. I have also slowed down considerably over my years and never once did I come close to ranking even in our family – let alone Canada. But it is fun.

I am experiencing the building of a “late life friendship” – or “later in life friendship”. We are two men who normally would not have had their paths cross but have found a common interest. We lived worlds apart but have something in common. Now as we discuss this commonality we are discovering ways that we can connect.

There is danger in our potential relationship – if we open to each other. One of us will die before the other. The possible respect and friendship that we open to each other could be crushed as the other dies. Death is the great divider for a later life friendship. The termination that could result is frightening to say the least. One of us will get hurt real bad. I consider this possibility strongly before going back again to visit him.

Len described his health conditions that he walked through last year. He almost died then and it was a long and serious recovery period. But he made it. Perhaps that is why he is more open to new people in his life. Perhaps it is why I need to be more open too.

However – relationships can hurt. Over these past few years I have experienced some “faith based relationships” with other men. Guys from our church that said they would be there for me – but left for other interests. They acted like they cared and then they vanished from my life. When I most needed help – it wasn’t there. That kind of stuff is the hardest to take. As man I can move into my garage and just stay there. I don’t hurt out there – I am secluded from the pain that they offered with their love.

On our street I see men “working” in their garages often. They putter at odd jobs seemingly to do something but then again not much is happening. They are just there. In fact as I think of this setting of the “man in the garage” – I have seen it often over the years. The ‘putterer’ is busy and happy at what he is doing… but he is alone.

I now have equipped the garage to make it more like home… large TV(used of course)…video games… stereo… 8 track and a ghetto blaster… snacks and a clean bench to sit beside. My lawn chair now has better padding on it to make it more comfortable. And I have tools… (add a Tim the Tool man grunt here…. Aahooo?)

But… I don’t have friends. Oh I know that there are people reading this that are friends and that connect with me regularly. They are friends for sure. But there is another kind of friend that isn’t there. I know that I have offended someone immediately as this is published. Please forgive me in advance.

Our street...
The guy next door, Larry, just retired and is now at home all the time. When his grandson came over last week they were playing golf in his backyard. He has time now. When each of us is outside we talk more now. Larry drops by more often too. Sometimes we talk in the driveway – other times in my garage. We are looking at ways that we might connect more.

A few years ago now Larry’s best hunting buddy died from cancer. He lived two doors further down the street. I can’t tell you the loss that the whole street has had with this man gone. Yet I never really knew him. All the guys here know it has happened. We see the fellow’s wife in a new friendship with another man… then we grow quiet. This is too close to home for all of us. We are happy for her – but miss him.

After giving it lots of thought I can see how and why men are puttering in their garages.

I have made a serious step to make my garage “user friendly”. I want other people to drop in and feel like it is a great coffee shop and a place to sit. We may even catch a game on the TV set together. Or maybe we can just talk. That would be good.

The odd initial meeting with Len was because we both fiddle with TV stuff. And I also fiddle with computers and Len needed help with a computer thing – and that brought us together yesterday. Initially I heard that he possibly had a satellite dish for sale.

Yesterday our possible friendship took a new turn or leap forward. When he invited me to play table tennis I accepted. Then as I was about to leave – he offered to pay me for my computer help and I refused to take payment. I told him that I would come back to play table tennis again. He smiled and said, “I would like that.”

I had warm feelings again as I drove away. I think a friendship is possible. I am excited about this new opportunity – but carerful.

Some deeper questions…
Can I ask you a heavy and very serious question? Are you experiencing anything similar in your life now? First do you now loneliness? Dumb question I now… but an important one if you are to take a next step. I had to ask myself that one seriously.

Next – is there evidence that new people are coming into your life and are not like the last bunch of “let me downs”? Do you feel that you would like to go out for coffee with one of these new people – but are not just too sure about all of that closeness? You were hurt before but now it is long enough – maybe you are ready now?

I think that is where I am now. These are my steps from what I had grown into and to what I may become – a friend of Len. All I know is that I need to work on it with him and others.

Did you know?

~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~