Tender Moments
The call came later in the evening just before we were to leave for another engagement. The caller was an older lady that has been the primary care giver for her husband. Her voice conveyed the strain she was under at the moment. Actually if the truth be told – she has been under this stress for a long time with her husband’s health ailing. Meet Mrs. A. and for that matter Mr. A.
“Pastor, can you come over to see Mr. A.? He is very upset and is crying now.” Within a half hour my wife and I were in their living room with this older couple.
Mr. A. was having a very bad evening and his emotions were crumbling around him. His normal jovial and spry mood was crushed below unknown feelings that came from no where. He just didn’t understand. Mr. A. is in the mid stages of a dementia that is yet undiagnosed officially. Diagnosed or not it is there. Memory has been an important part of his life – now all the short term memories seem to have evaporated just moments after an event. Most of the day was gone – only patches were not erased.
As we spoke, he was aware of things that had happened during the day. His recall of one event that lingered like a puff of smoke in the room was of some people that came to visit him and that they had sung some wonderful songs that he really enjoyed. Mrs. A. gently reminded him that it had been a television program that they had watched together in the afternoon and that the music was his favorite from some old days gone by – the Lawrence Welk Show…
Mr. A.’s eyes filled with tears as he said, “Pastor, it is like this part is just gone but other ones are okay.” With his finger he drew a rectangle in the air before him. “It’s just gone…”, then his eyes flooded with tears as he recalled faintly the loss and sadness that he felt so deeply.
Within moments, that thought was also gone and his wonderful description of the rectangular space had also disappeared.
It appears that the emotions may also be deeply affected with the dementia that he is experiencing as the internal changes advance. As the physical changes take place the deeper feelings are being tested as well – and are vanishing as the breeze of life passes by.
As Mr. A. and I sat looking at each other I asked him if he could remember one of his favorite songs from his boyhood days. He puzzled for a moment and then began to smile. He tried for the words and the name of the song – but they failed to come to the surface. I asked him if he could sing it with me… he smiled again and began…
It's a long way to Tipperary,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know!
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square!
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there.
Then Mr. A’s voice trailed off… and he said… “Sorry I can’t get any more…” But he grinned from ear to ear. That memory felt good. We sang it again…together.
I looked him in the eyes and began to sing, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, Little ones to him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me, YES, Jesus loves me, YES, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.”
Before I came to the “…this I know…” of the first line Mr. A. was right with me… we were singing together with gusto. His smile was telling me the wonder of what was happening as he drew from the still full and very deep wells of old memories.
I looked at Mr. A. again and began a favorite scripture quotation of mine – from 2 Timothy 1: 7 – “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Mr. A. immediately joined me and said it again – with more gusto that before… this was one of his verses as well… You see the Bible has been one of his most important parts of life. He can quote from memory many, many scriptures that he has stored deep within in his earlier years.
From some of my past studies dealing with dementias of all sorts, I have found that music and poetry as well as scripture are the last to leave our memories – or in fact it never does. It may be covered with the inability to recall or make the first level of our minds do what we want it to do when short term memory fails. But it is always there deep within.
Last evening with Mr. And Mrs. A. must be one of the most tender moments of all. Mrs. A. thanked us deeply as we headed out the door. Her faith was lifted slightly and her joy was bubbling again. He was standing with her saying, “Thank you pastor… thank you.” I smiled… deeply.
It wasn’t much I assure you… but it was wonderful as we enjoyed it the time together.
To help you deal with this information I just shared with you, you could join me in prayer for Mr. & Mrs. A. But more importantly you could reach out to some one with failing and fleeting memories – near you today. Do something silly sing with them. Do something even more ridiculous – spend time listening… and then help them draw the deep memories out.
Get involved with someone now. It will be a personal investment I assure you.
~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~
“Pastor, can you come over to see Mr. A.? He is very upset and is crying now.” Within a half hour my wife and I were in their living room with this older couple.
Mr. A. was having a very bad evening and his emotions were crumbling around him. His normal jovial and spry mood was crushed below unknown feelings that came from no where. He just didn’t understand. Mr. A. is in the mid stages of a dementia that is yet undiagnosed officially. Diagnosed or not it is there. Memory has been an important part of his life – now all the short term memories seem to have evaporated just moments after an event. Most of the day was gone – only patches were not erased.
As we spoke, he was aware of things that had happened during the day. His recall of one event that lingered like a puff of smoke in the room was of some people that came to visit him and that they had sung some wonderful songs that he really enjoyed. Mrs. A. gently reminded him that it had been a television program that they had watched together in the afternoon and that the music was his favorite from some old days gone by – the Lawrence Welk Show…
Mr. A.’s eyes filled with tears as he said, “Pastor, it is like this part is just gone but other ones are okay.” With his finger he drew a rectangle in the air before him. “It’s just gone…”, then his eyes flooded with tears as he recalled faintly the loss and sadness that he felt so deeply.
Within moments, that thought was also gone and his wonderful description of the rectangular space had also disappeared.
It appears that the emotions may also be deeply affected with the dementia that he is experiencing as the internal changes advance. As the physical changes take place the deeper feelings are being tested as well – and are vanishing as the breeze of life passes by.
As Mr. A. and I sat looking at each other I asked him if he could remember one of his favorite songs from his boyhood days. He puzzled for a moment and then began to smile. He tried for the words and the name of the song – but they failed to come to the surface. I asked him if he could sing it with me… he smiled again and began…
It's a long way to Tipperary,
It's a long way to go.
It's a long way to Tipperary
To the sweetest girl I know!
Goodbye Piccadilly,
Farewell Leicester Square!
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart's right there.
Then Mr. A’s voice trailed off… and he said… “Sorry I can’t get any more…” But he grinned from ear to ear. That memory felt good. We sang it again…together.
I looked him in the eyes and began to sing, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so, Little ones to him belong, they are weak but He is strong. Yes Jesus loves me, YES, Jesus loves me, YES, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.”
Before I came to the “…this I know…” of the first line Mr. A. was right with me… we were singing together with gusto. His smile was telling me the wonder of what was happening as he drew from the still full and very deep wells of old memories.
I looked at Mr. A. again and began a favorite scripture quotation of mine – from 2 Timothy 1: 7 – “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” Mr. A. immediately joined me and said it again – with more gusto that before… this was one of his verses as well… You see the Bible has been one of his most important parts of life. He can quote from memory many, many scriptures that he has stored deep within in his earlier years.
From some of my past studies dealing with dementias of all sorts, I have found that music and poetry as well as scripture are the last to leave our memories – or in fact it never does. It may be covered with the inability to recall or make the first level of our minds do what we want it to do when short term memory fails. But it is always there deep within.
Last evening with Mr. And Mrs. A. must be one of the most tender moments of all. Mrs. A. thanked us deeply as we headed out the door. Her faith was lifted slightly and her joy was bubbling again. He was standing with her saying, “Thank you pastor… thank you.” I smiled… deeply.
It wasn’t much I assure you… but it was wonderful as we enjoyed it the time together.
To help you deal with this information I just shared with you, you could join me in prayer for Mr. & Mrs. A. But more importantly you could reach out to some one with failing and fleeting memories – near you today. Do something silly sing with them. Do something even more ridiculous – spend time listening… and then help them draw the deep memories out.
Get involved with someone now. It will be a personal investment I assure you.
~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~
posted by Murray Lincoln at
Monday, March 05, 2007
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