The "S & A Factor"

Bob was 26 years old. As he sat beside me he shook his head. “I can’t do this. You don’t know how hard this is. I mean – I can’t do it!” His voice shook. Bob was my friend and had come off a major Heroin addiction . Add to that a few other street drugs that he had used – he had been a mess. Now he was almost 10 months clean. In fact he was clean enough to be able to get a job.

The era was in the early 1970s. The jobs available were low paying. My own salary as a computer technician averaged about $125 per week… which was good back then. Basic entrance jobs like the new McDonalds was very low – likely about $2.00 per hour. That was the all that Bob could do – or would be accepted to do.

His statements about not being able to do this – was all about a job. He couldn’t find himself working for the pittance that the entrance level jobs offered. There was a reason.

Bob had become addicted to Heroin while he did the run from Windsor, Ontario to Toronto in the borrowed car. “They” gave him a car to drive and he did it with ease. In the car there was well over $250,000 of drugs that were smuggled into Canada and then transported to the Toronto area. Each of his runs paid him well over $2000 per week. He had money to burn.

Bob was from a good family. But the family failed in one major area. That area was the “S & A Factor” His dad was a dentist. The family was well off. Bob was the only child and Bob was an addict. One major thing that Bob needed – Bob would not get. He needed “Support & Accountability”. Most of the time he received silence. When his dad did talk to him – it was to threaten him. Or the final times that Dad talked with him was to promise that he would never help him again. So Bob made his own way… and $2000 a week was almost as much as the old man was making.

The S & A Factor in a kid’s life is huge. For over four decades I have watched as kids have screamed silent screams to parents that were just too busy. The parents offered a kind of accountability – “You do it or else!” But they were too busy – or were never there. Oh they were good parents – but they were absent – and the one major factor that really would have made it special was support – and it was missing. That is the S Factor. But the S Factor without the A Factor –accountability is not good either.

Jameel lived in a different era. He was black and fatherless. His mom dropped him off at our youth group and asked if I could help him. Now at fourteen he was growing rapidly. His baggy clothes and style was most important. The era was 1987 through to the mid 1990s. Jameel was doing stuff and the stuff he was doing was not good. Older guys like Jameel had shown him he ropes… they were his new “dads”. He was into drugs and big money.

When the police busted him he had $750,000 in his front hall closet. Actually when they had busted him – the money was gone. His friends, a fourteen and a fifteen year old had stolen the bag after school. When the police came however there was some damming evidence. Where the brown paper bag of money had been stored there was now two sawed off guns. One was a shot gun and the other a high caliber rifle. Jameel’s new “dads” had used him to stash the drugs, the money and the guns. They held him accountable and his support were threats that normal 14 year old boys would not be able to sleep with.

Justin is different than Jameel. He lives in Peterborough and is white. His dad has a fantastic job and makes huge money. Justin was pushed at my staff and told – fix him please. The over bearing mother felt that we should and could do something with this kid. Even with the huge amounts of time that my staff offered – Justin wasn’t fixable. Justin was a drug addict already at 15. He was stealing money from mom’s purse. He stole things from people’s garages on his street. He had now graduated to stealing from nearby neighbourhoods.

When Justin’s mom called in a tearful rage, she said, “I thought you were going to do something for my son. He has been taken into custody. They say he stole a car last night and that they found drugs in the car when they caught him. I don’t believe it!”

Justin couldn’t get the support he needed and the only accountability was, “You do this or else. The pastor will be with you tonight – mom and I have a special thing we have to go to. I want you in that youth program – it will be good for you.”

It hasn’t changed much in 50 years. The last era I will mention is the one that had a huge group of boys in it. The one group that I know so well numbered about a half dozen. There was little S & A Factors in their lives. They found it among themselves. They found it in booze – quite a few became alcoholics. Then at the edge of their group were the druggies. They started on pot and hash, then graduated to Heroin and Cocaine.

Two boys that I know better than all the rest were close to me. One was named Glen. He did the pot and hash thing first in grade nine. He quit school in grade ten. He tried to return to school two more times but the drugs together with the sale of the drugs required all of his time. His dealing and business of drug trafficking took over. Without an education he did well. His new dads were the largest Bike Gang on the west coast working out of Vancouver.

Glen was my brother. I conducted his funeral in January 1992 – he died in the last days of 1991. The hardest part of my ministry was going home to tell mom – that her son was dead. His death was not related to the drugs. Glen was clean. I loved that guy so much. But not near as much as his wife and kids did.

The best part he was a good dad.

I said that there were two boys – the other one was Murray – that’s me. The ordained minister – that was once a rising computer technician/programmer. Well he needed the S & A Factor just like Glen did. But it wasn’t there. Dad was like others in the post war years – very busy making money to just support the family in the post war days. And Murray found comfort in a bottle and booze. I have been clean for 41 years now.

With these reflective years of life now… I look back and think.

• What if there was more time and effort placed into the “S & A Factor” of a family.


• What if we concentrated more on Support for our kids… by attending their hockey, baseball and soccer games – even though we are very busy?


• What if we were the single most important person in their life – and when there we told them how great they were and how much we loved them?


• What would happen if we were really the best and only dad that they needed – just by being there with them?




• What if we spent time telling our kids of what we have seen and making it clear what drugs will do to them?


• What if we spent some time at Youth Court and make ourselves aware of the things that are happening with teens in our community?


• What if we sat with our kids and taught them what it was all about – by first becoming aware and then sharing what we know about drug addiction?


• What if we paid more attention about where they go and who the people they are involved with?
  Please remember the “S & A Factor” requires one top thing – and that is... you are the parent and they are the child… you are responsible for many things… and your kids are at the top of that list.
  
  God help us to be more active in early intervention. God help us to “S & A People”.
  
  ~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~