Is That Ever True

The furrow that has grown deeply over the last hour is now almost painful. This dear lady is fussing over nothing – but for her it has grown to mega proportions that will have her in the grave before the end of the day – at least she is sure that will happen.

What happened? Well it is hard to say from “seeing” what she is going through. But when you listen to the huge problem she is mulling over it is tragic. At the wrong moment she forwarded something sensitive to the wrong people from her email program. There is one person on that list that is sensitive to the content and she just knows that the person will be deeply offended. The day is done – and it is only 10:15 AM. In times past this kind of thing will numb her life until she is almost incapacitated.

A common expression is, “I am sick with what just happened!” After you experience something disastrous like this the rest of the world moves on and it is no big deal… but you don’t.

When I come upon someone that has just experienced a tragedy of this proportion I intervene… “Let’s go for a coffee…” is my solution. After a while we can actually smile and maybe even a low giggle will come to the surface…and the deep furrow becomes less.

What the world needs today is a whole lot of people strategically situated with their “intervention pack” in place. People that would be ready in a heart beat to say that it will be okay – Let’s move on – I know you didn’t mean it – If you need help I am here for you.

A Bible verse that captures it all is Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (NIV)

“Crushedspirit-it is” is pretty common. The people that cause “Crushedspirit-it is” are perhaps even more common. One sharp or one really stupid comment will ruin the day for another person. I know two older people that are so good at this that they almost need a Trophy on their shelf for what they do to others.

What I have observed is the person that has been crushed by words and deeds may well be the most susceptible to carrying the feeling of possibly having hurt someone else. They are sensitive – which is good. But so sensitive that they are in capacitated by ‘whatever’ is not so good.

In an article by Naomi Barr I discovered the following suggestions that I though were great…(Reference below…)

1. Distract yourself
Put on music and dance, scrub the bathtub spotless, whatever engrosses you --for at least 10 minutes. "That's about the minimum time needed to break a cycle of thoughts," says Nolen-Hoeksema, who's been studying rumination for more than 20 years. Or choose something to focus on. "A friend told me that she once started counting the number of times the speaker at her conference said 'like,'" Nolen-Hoeksema recalls. "By the time he finished, she'd stopped ruminating."

2. Make a date to dwell
Tell yourself you can obsess all you want from 6 p.m. to 7 p.m., but until then, you're banned. "By 6 p.m., you'll probably be able to think things through more clearly," says Nolen-Hoeksema.
3. Take a 3-minute dose of mindfulness
For one minute, eyes closed, acknowledge all the thoughts going through your mind. For the next minute, just focus on your breathing. Spend the last minute expanding your awareness from your breath to your entire body. "Paying attention in this way gives you the room to see the questions you're asking yourself with less urgency and to reconsider them from a different perspective," says Zindel Segal, Ph.D., co-author of "The Mindful Way Through Depression."

4. Ask yourself ..
"What's the worst that could happen?" and "How would I cope?" Visualizing yourself handling the most extreme outcome should alleviate some anxiety, says Judith Beck, Ph.D., director of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania. Then consider the likelihood that the worst will actually occur. Next, imagine the best possible outcome; by this point, you'll be in a more positive frame of mind and better able to assess the situation more realistically.

5. Call a buddy
Ask a friend or relative to be your point person when your thoughts start to speed out of control.

6. Say "Oh, well."
Accept that you're human and make mistakes -- and then move on, says Beck. Be compassionate. It's harder than it sounds, so keep practicing.

Today – I know I will likely blow it. I am human and something I say or do will offend someone(try Blogging and see what happens…). I also know that some really stupid person will do me in with a comment. (oops I offended someone…) But I know that I have the capacity to move on and most other people will be able to as well. If they don’t or won’t it is to their detriment.

With that being said… I had better quit.

~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~

Suggested Reading
STOP http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/11/07/stop.dwelling/index.html

Proverbs 17 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs%2017&version=31