The Death of a Friend

As a boy the thought of death had little hold on me. It was a short, sad time when adults around you acted differently. They dressed differently and seemed to not be the way they were before. Some of them cried and their faces were red.

I can remember one situation when a family member had passed away and we all gathered in one place. My brother and I played outside having a great time. Whatever was happening inside the house was not really our business – it was the adult’s business. I can’t remember who was chasing who – but when we ran inside it upset my parents and we were quickly guided outside. There was a clash of feelings and emotions as they grieved and we played. Children don’t understand the loss that adults feel.

Today I am an adult and I grieve deeply for my friends that have passed away. My thoughts are rambling. The feeling of play and interest in things that are normal – have gone when grieving takes over. There is a period of grief that hurts so deeply that we can’t even describe it. We are numb and unable to do much of anything.

Grief does something else as well. It comes and goes – popping in and out of our lives when we least expect it. It is then that we sob deeply and breath seems to leave our own bodies. When someone is very close to me, they are a friend; grief is even harder to handle for me. There are moments that memories of what you have done together as friends flood back to the forefront of your thoughts – but then you know the friend is gone. Grief overwhelms me at that moment.

Yesterday I began the eternal dance again with grief again. We received a phone call that our friend Dale Cummins had passed away. The moment that it arrived the feelings were overwhelming again. Grief took over every aspect of my being. I was numb again.

The conflict is deep within my soul.

I knew Dale was older at 81 years of age. He had a heart problem and a recent stroke had placed him in the hospital. His eye sight had failed over the last few years leaving him with only a small peripheral vision. His love for reading and doing the intricate things he loved to do was taken away. When we visited him last week in the hospital he was struggling. His speech was slower.

But having said all that I remembered him as my friend that used to walk with me. We laughed together and shared many personal things as all friends do. His insights of the Bible and his ability to teach were amazing. Without a doubt he was the man that could teach you more about the Apostle Paul than any minister that I had met. Yet he was so humble. Never once would he promote his own person – but instead would step back to allow others the place of importance. In fact he shied of any self promotion. Dale was the most humble man I have ever met.

Having served as a school teacher in Canada and later as a Bible College teacher both in Africa and Canada, his life experience was rich. When we came to know each other well both of us were pastors in the same large church, living a short distance apart – in the two church houses near the old Scarboro Gospel Temple church in Scarborough, Ontario. I served as the Youth Pastor and he was the Pastor in charge of Christian Education and did some of the visitation for the church. Dales was the best at what he did. Always available and yet never pushing himself to the front. He served people – all of us.

Today is a quiet day as we wait to hear from the family when the funeral will be. Plans are not yet set in order as they wait for all the family members to get home. There is more time to reflect deeply and remember.

As a minister I ask you to pray for Alberta, Dale’s wife. She will need encouragement but she will be an encouragement to so many others as well. Together all these years she has done that right along with Dale. Now my own thoughts are rambling again. We all need prayer.

~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~