Dealing with the Hole in Your Soul
“Bad news comes in threes” is an old folksy saying. Guess what it is true – at least on Monday, June 25, 2007! It couldn’t get worse. I was beginning to be afraid to answer the telephone. Each call had its own weight and confusion. It took hours unravel the stuff that came my way in one series of calls. The weight of humanity’s problems seemed to come my way all at once.
How do you cope with that Murray? I am not really sure – except walking carefully and steadily toward the end of the day was important. The end of the day would cover all the pain of that day. Just hanging on until it’s over was all that was important for the moment.
I know I am not the first to have this happen to me so there will be others to answer that question as well. I would love to hear how you deal with it for sure.
From what I witnessed the interaction of simple human beings that are “normal” hours and days before, is destroyed in a heart beat with anger and violence – with medication complication and with stubbornness. All of the issues were above my ability to understand let alone work through. It left me staggering from the circumstances.
It was at that moment that I found a place that I describe as the hole in my soul. It is a place that there is nothing left. It has opened and all of me drained out. I couldn’t find a plug to stop the draining either – it was a helpless feeling – totally helpless.
Now I know that most read this Blog and enjoy the comedy, reflection and the brightness that God blesses me with from day to day. I love the sense that I can share openly with so many and encourage a lot.
Why do I face the darkness and how do I get through this mess reasonably with out dieing in the middle of it all? How do I go on breathing when life seems to be sucked away?
That is likely the reason that I faced what I did… to help me help others.
Later in the evening, when it was dark and the air had grown cooler I exited my refuge of my garage. I stood in the driveway for a long time looking at the brilliant stars above me. As I drank in the scene there was a new peace that trickled into the hole that was so torn and empty. This peace closed the ragged corners when pain was so vibrant and sore. Then the gentle quietness came to flood the still open cavity and the hole closed slowly. God touched the hurt and the pain lifted. I slept like a baby after that.
If peace and quiet is possible – why in the world do we have to take these hard steps through the pain and agony? Couldn’t God make us a bit more ‘robotic’ – more machine like so that we could simply face these issues in a more mechanical way and process away the tragedy?
Nope – is the answer that I get. Nope – He wants me to remember what He has done and what He can do to help me. God is that way for me – personal and caring.
I am a professional pain reliever… as a pastor I am called to hurting situations to relieve the pain and brighten people’s way as they walk dark valleys. I am good at what I do – that is why people call. Yet when I hurt – why? I should be able to deal with these things better – yet don’t. I am ordinary too…not professional in any way when it comes to grief with life’s struggles.
This recent terrible day was a good reminder of how I can see the hole in my own soul filled with the right stuff. It is the best thing that I now know to take the next step into tomorrow – my today.
June 25, 2007 is only six months away from Christmas – again!?! Yet June 25, 2007 was a growing day for me. I grew through the pain and the sorrow. Wow – what a day.
Thanks for caring.
~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~
How do you cope with that Murray? I am not really sure – except walking carefully and steadily toward the end of the day was important. The end of the day would cover all the pain of that day. Just hanging on until it’s over was all that was important for the moment.
I know I am not the first to have this happen to me so there will be others to answer that question as well. I would love to hear how you deal with it for sure.
From what I witnessed the interaction of simple human beings that are “normal” hours and days before, is destroyed in a heart beat with anger and violence – with medication complication and with stubbornness. All of the issues were above my ability to understand let alone work through. It left me staggering from the circumstances.
It was at that moment that I found a place that I describe as the hole in my soul. It is a place that there is nothing left. It has opened and all of me drained out. I couldn’t find a plug to stop the draining either – it was a helpless feeling – totally helpless.
Now I know that most read this Blog and enjoy the comedy, reflection and the brightness that God blesses me with from day to day. I love the sense that I can share openly with so many and encourage a lot.
Why do I face the darkness and how do I get through this mess reasonably with out dieing in the middle of it all? How do I go on breathing when life seems to be sucked away?
That is likely the reason that I faced what I did… to help me help others.
Later in the evening, when it was dark and the air had grown cooler I exited my refuge of my garage. I stood in the driveway for a long time looking at the brilliant stars above me. As I drank in the scene there was a new peace that trickled into the hole that was so torn and empty. This peace closed the ragged corners when pain was so vibrant and sore. Then the gentle quietness came to flood the still open cavity and the hole closed slowly. God touched the hurt and the pain lifted. I slept like a baby after that.
If peace and quiet is possible – why in the world do we have to take these hard steps through the pain and agony? Couldn’t God make us a bit more ‘robotic’ – more machine like so that we could simply face these issues in a more mechanical way and process away the tragedy?
Nope – is the answer that I get. Nope – He wants me to remember what He has done and what He can do to help me. God is that way for me – personal and caring.
I am a professional pain reliever… as a pastor I am called to hurting situations to relieve the pain and brighten people’s way as they walk dark valleys. I am good at what I do – that is why people call. Yet when I hurt – why? I should be able to deal with these things better – yet don’t. I am ordinary too…not professional in any way when it comes to grief with life’s struggles.
This recent terrible day was a good reminder of how I can see the hole in my own soul filled with the right stuff. It is the best thing that I now know to take the next step into tomorrow – my today.
June 25, 2007 is only six months away from Christmas – again!?! Yet June 25, 2007 was a growing day for me. I grew through the pain and the sorrow. Wow – what a day.
Thanks for caring.
~ Pastor Murray Lincoln ~
posted by Murray Lincoln at
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
2 Comments:
As one who has been on the recieving end of chaos for quite awhile, I can tell you that there is no easy way to handle any tragedy. Each one nestles in our hearts and seems to be forgotten over time. Do we ever truly forget? No, but what we do remember helps to ease the burden of the next "BIG TRAGEDY". I can remember hearing that Jonah couldn't breath, but was stable and was being sent to Sick Kids, I could've wallowed in self pity (oh my poor baby), but instead, I gave him over to God, he was alive, and stable right? That was all I needed. Sometimes those little strings we grasp onto, have more strength in them than the mighty root we intended to plant. God has a plan, a purpose that drives us through most tragedies, and through Him all things are possible to get through. It's on days like the one you had, that show us how strong we really are. It's like the tree that withstands a tornado while others fall around. We might waiver a little beneath the storm, but because we have GOD's strength holding us up we survive. May God bless you, and keep you. You are a wonderful gift that has blessed so many. Thank you.
By
Anonymous, at 2:30 PM
Murray, I am so sorry to hear of all your trials right now. Please know that I am praying for you and I care. You are a very gifted and caring man. Right now I feel physically and emotionally drained myself from all life is throwing my way. One thing that I like to remember is that we need to face the storm with the Son right there behind us to see the rainbow of promise He has ahead for us. Take care brother and May God bless you and grant you peace.
By
Anonymous, at 12:59 PM
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