Volunteer Withdrawal Pain

Last night I quit. I resigned. I didn’t let my name stand for reelection to a Board that I have served on since its inception. I gave a brave speech/talk to explain my withdrawal from the role that I had planned. Oddly enough I felt relief at the time of making the decision but today the waves and memories have come to splash against my deck. I feel the effect of withdrawal.

I didn’t want to do it but I had to. In my case there was a potential awareness of a conflict of interest with other groups that I am connected with. In fairness to both groups one had to be let go. The one that I let go of however is the most active and productive. That alone makes the decision more difficult.

My wife has joked that I cannot say “No” to anything. So she holds her breath when I do say “No” – because she fears that another “Yes” is too easy for me. She knows that when you take an ‘addicted volunteer’ out of something that he or she has been a part of you likely will not see them sit for long. They have to do something. I guess that I am no different than any others.

As I have watched friends of mine approach their retirement and then take the plunge over to the awesome land of “no work and all play” – there has been envy in me. I have watched a few of my neighbours jump from the one day of schedule and routine to the no routine and wondering what a schedule is all about – other than what their wife lines up on her long awaited “Honey Do” list. I have told my self that I would like that…less pressure and more ‘do what I have always wanted to do’ time.

Resigning and letting go of one of my treasured and valuable volunteer positions has been harder than I thought. A piece of my heart suddenly stopped functioning. Ouch – I felt that.

To explain to folk that are not connected to the Peterborough scene, I have been assisting Peterborough Community Chaplaincy by serving as a Board Member – and in particular as their President(Chair Person) since its inception. I walked with my friend Dan Haley as his ministry continued to grow. I stayed with the Board through some tough times and rough times of opposition. We have had some royal struggles as this ministry has grown. Together we took initial steps to form the steering committee that would eventually become the Board of Directors. There were hours and weeks of preparation of constitutions – lots of reading and thinking – ‘is this right?’ or ‘what can we change?’

Now today I am wondering how they are doing. Dan is off for special meeting in a parole hearing to see if a man will be released on a compassionate parole. This man is 47 years old and has cancer. He will begin ‘his dieing within’ our community if all goes well at the hearing. He will be surrounded by excellent volunteers that will demonstrate their love. As President and Chair I would hear about the next steps – as an outsider now I wonder.

I am suffering from ‘volunteer withdrawal pain’. I have not yet found this term to be one that other people use – i.e. it is not found on Goggle. But it is real.
I have recently witnessed others that have been involved serving on other Boards. When their time was up they disappeared from sight. They were no more to seen or heard from. Some had issues with the way their Board had operated – others loved their work and moved on – only to find that it just hurt too much to stick around and watch others lead in different directions.

Today I guess I understand better. What I do with the feelings will make or break me. That sense is so powerful.

A Bible Example…
In the Bible’s New Testament there is an account of volunteerism that changes directions.

The man we call the Apostle Paul, a great teacher and organizer of the early church, traveled a lot. With him came volunteers. Luke was one of these volunteers that traveled with him. Some Bible people call him St. Luke – a writer as well. Luke writes about some of Paul’s journeys in the Book of Acts – a Bible account of the early church developing.

On one of his journeys Paul went with Barnabas. Barnabas brought along John Mark. Right in the middle of their journey John Mark left them. This young volunteer makes it clear that he has had enough and he leaves the ‘Board’. From what we read Paul wasn’t impressed.

Fast forward…
Years go by and many things change. John Mark, the one time volunteer, is found back in the head office of the church, Jerusalem. Not much is seen of him until later. It appears that John Mark is a good listener and also a good writer.

When the church leaders finally assembled the text for what we know as the Bible, the New Testament begins with Matthew, Mark, Luke and John – the four gospels. Then comes the Book of Acts (written by Luke), followed by a variety of smaller letters that Paul wrote to the churches.

Paul, the leader, is not at the forefront. His books are later on. The ‘Mark’ within the four firsts, some say St. Mark, is the same John Mark that was once a volunteer with Paul’s band of followers. He is the same guy that didn’t impress Paul with his leaving the ‘Board’. Yet he goes on to write an amazing the Gospel of Mark…one of the ‘Big Four’.

For me the story points to the fact that even after volunteers have to quit, there is still hope. In my world – “God isn’t finished with me yet..”

‘Volunteer withdrawal pain’ is replaced by ‘new opportunity’. A new possibility will rise shortly I am sure. Yes, Alida my wife, is right… yikes…!

~Pastor Murray Lincoln ~